id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize