Sober January is a disaster.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
