i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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