Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
