Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
