woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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