I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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