If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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