Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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