Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
