Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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