There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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