I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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