We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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