the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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