We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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