i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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