I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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