i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
