Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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