Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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