Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
