Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
