At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
