Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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