he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Threesome in a minivan. New low
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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