i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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