If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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