Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
