Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
