This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
