what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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