I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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