I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize