she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
