sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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