New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize