I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
