In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
