Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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