how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
