He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
