Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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