to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
