Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
