my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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