She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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