im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
