First date: that requires underwear, huh?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
