I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
