Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
