I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
