I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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