i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
