I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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