I queefed so loud it echoed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
