He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
