Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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