u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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