Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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