just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
