can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
