I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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