He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
