did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
two words...techno handjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
